Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
