Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
