well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
