come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
