Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
