So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
