oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize
