someone threw a dead crab at me
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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