he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
