Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize