I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
