So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
