I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
