she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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