WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
