dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
