she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
