We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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