i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I am available for nakedness
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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