they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize