If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Randomize
