yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
