Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
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