Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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