ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
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