I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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