My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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