Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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