yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
