i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
