He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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