I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
