It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
