Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
