Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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