I met the friendliest cop last night
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
