Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
