Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
