Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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