should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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