she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
