i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize