Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
