Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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