If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
