Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
