Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
