Kiss
Puke
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
