bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize