I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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