No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
