And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
