...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
