I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
