There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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