Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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