Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
