ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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