Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
