I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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