Well apparently he's into motor boating.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
