come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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