I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Please, let me fuck your mom
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
