I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
