I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize