I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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