the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
