Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
