Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
