this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
