quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
tell your sister to shave her snatch
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
