I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
