Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
