Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
