The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
