Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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