go do what you do best...puke behind churches
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
