And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
