After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
