So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
