So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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