nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize