Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Duck Duck Cougar?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
