I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
